One bite at a time.

I've been thinking about this lately, this strange condition when you love someone so much that you sacrifice bits of yourself, and do it automatically, without hesitation. But over time, it's no longer automatic, and you become less inclined to sacrifice. I suppose for most people, that's just the end result of either making too many sacrifices, or maybe it's as simple as just changing over the years.

Falling out of love has always been something that has happened to me one bite at a time. I don't think I'm much different from most other people in this regard. Maybe that's a less painful way of finally realizing the person you expected to spend the rest of your life with, is probably not the person you'll end up spending the rest of your life with. Kids will impact how long you'll put up with the unhappiness, because you know kids end up much worse off in single-parent homes, so you sacrifice longer, for the sake of your kids.

But it doesn't change the fact that at some point, you just accept that you'll be a happier person, without that person you used to love, in your life.

That's not even trying to make a melancholy point about the human condition, I just suppose I'm old enough, and have had enough relationships to accept that only a few couples stay together forever anymore. Each heartbreak becomes less painful, you realize that you'll meet someone else at some point, and then the wisdom you've gained over the years whispers quietly in your ear.

"Don't worry about 10 years from now, don't even worry about a month from now, make the most of today, and maybe today will turn into years..."

I am so much more at peace these days, and while I continue to miss my Daughter with a never-ending pressure in my chest, I know I'll see her again, that's all in progress, and 100% being done legally. Aside from missing her, this peace I've reclaimed has been transformative.

I get angry less often, I'm more patient (in spite of no longer needing to be as patient as I had been with the ex in my life.), and I give more thought to other people simply trying to have the best kind of day they can, in spite of having their own problems, and complications in their lives.

I like this version of me, and I like it enough to not want to gamble with it. I don't need someone in my life romantically, I've been there and done that plenty of times. But this peace, this tranquility I have now, it's something that's entirely in my power to maintain. I have boundaries that are no longer flexible, I no longer 'put up with' things, because I want to maintain peace in a relationship. I have rules that I will not let someone else break now, because all of those bite marks have finally healed.